In a world exclusive, LYON can reveal that the reason David Cameron has refused to recall Parliament this week is because the Conservative Party is holding secret merger talks with the Official Monster Raving Loony Party (OMRLP).
The parties expect, if an agreement is reached, to complete the merger after the European Referendum on the 23rd June. However, for the deal to come into effect, both party structures must give their approval to it and many insiders to the deal have spoken of the potential for a difficult battle in navigating the agreement through.
One OMRLP executive member told LYON ‘I’m all for new, interesting and downright loony ideas in politics. I am fully supportive of my leadership’s proposals to introduce hop, skip and jump years to go alongside leap years and to mandate that socks be sold in packets of three just in case you lose one but these Conservatives have policies that are too loony even for me. How can anyone believe it’s a sensible idea to allow multi national companies to get away with paying tax whilst taking away £30 a week from disabled people or stating that nationalisation is not the answer to the steel industries problems when a large part of them are down to the success of nationalised Chinese steel? There’s also the idea of holding a referendum on the issue of leaving an institution [the European Union] you don’t want to leave when you could have stayed in without one, now what’s up with that?’
Many on the hard right of the Conservative Party are much happier with the deal with one member, Marquis George Poisson d’Avril commenting ‘this is fantastic news, my political views have always been on the ‘Monster Raving’ side and its good to see that the Conservative Party is finally embracing that part of its heritage.’
This is of course an April Fool Message. Hope you all have a wonderful month.